Sunday, 1 February 2015

New house, new light fittings.

Hello, fans! I am back in Tashkent and have moved into a house with four other young women. There are several reasons for this, including a flat invasion during my first week, which I kept off the internet so that no family members inundated me with worried Facebook messages. The new house is somewhat larger than my old flat, as you will see.

So, lovely blog readers, welcome to my virtual tour of my new place in Tashkent, available from the comfort of your own home/library/bus/toilet/treehouse from which you can reach the internet.

When you enter the front door, you find yourself in a large, empty space. I believe this is the garage, where we would park all of our cars, were we not but recent university graduates. In the corner is a sink, which is useful for all of our outdoor washing needs. If you go through the glass doors, you can see our garden which includes one of our two pools and the outdoor kitchen. We have yet to use either of these, as it is still January and therefore nippy, but talking about having excellent garden parties is almost as exciting as actually having one.

All that necessary space!

 Going into the main house, you will find yourself in a hall. On the right, you can see our first living room which has tasteful white leather sofas and an even more tasteful green marble fireplace. This is where we sit and cry at Girls and shout at people in films such as Young People Fucking, which has changed all of our lives. I have a feeling that the six of us who watched it were the only six people on earth who have done so, which is a shame because it has real cult classic potential. It’s up there with Tommy Wiseau’s The Room.

The green light under the ceiling decor really adds a sense of style.

Next is the kitchen. It’s a kitchen. It’s nice. Next to the kitchen is a toilet, which is great. Then onto the first ensuite room with the most unnecessarily large wardrobe I have ever seen. My family probably does not own enough possessions to fit in there.

This is the kitchen, not the wardrobe.

Next we come to the banquet hall. This is where we host dinner parties and entertain guests. At the moment, our only entertainment is our conversation and a Bluetooth speaker, but we have started to pester the HR manager at work to let us get a piano. I’m sure our guests will be begging us to play it every time they visit. Or I’ll beg them to listen to me. Either way, there’s going to be a lot of piano going on if we’re allowed to get one.

Someone saw this in a shop and thought, "I should buy this and put it in a house."

Halfway up the stairs, you can find the most interesting room. As you enter, the temperature drops several degrees. The windows are somehow above the bottom of the ceiling, so there is very little light. One chair is facing the window, so you can sit there and think about how nice it would be to actually look out of it. We are currently using this room as a ‘Room of Requirement’: a gallery for art and bizarre objects that we have picked up during our time in Tashkent. Any unruly guests will be placed in here to consider their behaviour.

I'll give a volunteer 4000 Uzbek sum to spend the night in here.

Upstairs are the bedrooms. We have a green one, a blue one and a pink one.  The blue one is the best one because it is where I live. Everyone keeps telling me that this doesn’t make it the best room, but I disagree. I chose it because it is small and blue. And I love blue. For any long-term fans, I have a treat for you. Just look at the light fittings!
I hope there is nothing embarrassing in this photo that I haven't spotted.

I use this one when I'm feeling particularly gothy.

Next, you can see our second living room and the balcony. Just imagine all the Romeo and Juliet re-enactments that could take place. Just imagine waking up in the morning and throwing open the door to greet the day. Just imagine all of the smokers cramming themselves onto it at a party.

Downstairs, we can find our ballroom. We aim to build a den down here in the corner. There is a shower with a door that refuses to close, so having a shower is a rather liberating and risky experience. Next to the shower is the plunge pool which has been mysteriously filling with water – we have still yet to ascertain whether this is a natural phenomenon or the dirty shower water that has somehow got lost. Either way, we are not going to plunge into it just yet. And the last thing you can see on our tour is the sauna!

This house is probably the hugest place I will ever live. Even though my room is the smallest in the house, it is still about a third larger than any room I have lived in before. It’s so easy to keep it tidy because even if I threw all of my worldly possessions onto the floor, there would still be room to roll around and frolic. Feel free to come and visit.